After 3 early miscarriages I was expecting a daughter in November 2011. At 41 weeks gestation, with no explanation there was a placental abruption and she was too compromised to survive. Devastation is the only word to describe it. In March I found I was expecting again. This time it is a boy and he is due in November, almost exactly a year later. These are my attempts to reconcile some of all this.